The Gondor Times
by The Journalist
Summary: The Gondor Times is proud to bring your daily dose of important, Middle-Earth shaking events right to your doorstep, mailbox, tree, or hole. Subscribe now: Only 9 Golden Coins, 99 Copper Coins.
1. Sauron Captured, Gondor Rejoices

Disclaimer: I make no claim in any way, shape, or form as to owning the story, characters, plot, ideas, etc. of Lord of the Rings. Therefore, don't sue me.  
  
SQUALID HELLHOLE, MORDOR-After months of searching, the soldiers of Gondor have finally managed to find and capture the shade of Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor.  
  
Onlookers reported that Sauron looked "Kinda pale, doesn't look anything like that mad armored bastard what killed my great,great,great,great..."  
  
Our own reporters noticed that the shade certainly looked quite pale, merely a light grey as opposed to his former shape, that of a tall and regal man in black, threatening armor. Instead, he now looks like Gandalf the Grey with an age pill and stripped of his powers.  
  
Aragorn Elessar, Son of Arathorn, Heir of Isildur and King of the Reunited Kingdom of the Dúnedain has stated that, "This is a great day for the people of Gondor and all her allies, now that the foul hand behind Mordor has been captured." The King was visibly pleased by the news, and kept rubbing his hands throughout the press conference.  
  
We have been unable to speak with Sauron himself, but his guards mention that he keeps rubbing a small, yellow, cardboard ring and muttering "My precious....precious..."  
  
After the Great Defeat at the Gates of Mordor, Sauron was reduced to the merest of shades, and fled to the various holes that specked Mordor, while his army surrendered, fled, or died. Gondor troops have been searching for him for a total of six months now after the Defeat.  
  
Sauron was found in a relatively small crater, gaunt, haggard, and clutching his cardboard ring which had, at first, frightened the soldiers for they thought he had found his true Ring from somewhere.  
  
The one million golden coins reward is to be split up among the squad of three that found him, headed by Sergeant Alatar. Sergeant Alatar stated that he would continue to work in the military despite his reward, although he did mentioned that he planned to get a new house for his wife and two sons.  
  
Soldiers assigned to hunt the shade of Saurman have been greatly heartened by the news of Sauron's capture, and are now working more vigorously than ever.  
  
The Kingdom of Gondor has yet to make clear exactly how Sauron is to be brought to justice, but an Provisional Committee has been set up to try and sentence Sauron.  
  
More on pg. 15... 


	2. Negotiations Fail, War with Mordor Immin...

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I make no claim to own Lord of the Rings. Did you think I was stupid?  
  
OSGILIATH, GONDOR-After prolonged peace negotiations lasting over a month, the Kingdoms of Men and Elves have declared that there shall be no peace with Mordor, and that war is inevitable.  
  
In a speech to the people of Gondor, King Elendil stated that, "Sauron's terms for peace are simply unacceptable, and despite our best efforts, he has refused to budge. If we are to agree to his terms, we will be seen as the laughingstock of the world. Therefore, we must show that we cannot be coerced by Sauron, no matter how large his army is. People of Gondor, I urge you to sign up at the nearest recruitment center as soon as possible, lest we prove ourselves to be a paper dragon."  
  
Gil-galad said much the same thing in his own speech to the Elves of Middle- Earth, although he was more fiery and dramatic, and was noted to regard Sauron's stubbornness as a personal insult. To quote, "If Sauron believes that we would be so submissive and foolish as so to accept his outrageous terms, then there is no choice but to remove him from the world before he does anything even more insane."  
  
Numerous recruitment centers have been set up in both Gondor and all Elven lands. Rumors abound that if the recruitment centers are not reaching their assigned recruitment quotas, drafts will be instituted all over Middle-Earth.  
  
Diplomatic messages have been sent to all trading or military allies of both the Elves and Gondor. Experts believe that chief amongst these would be the contribution of the Dwarves, known for their strength in battle. Our own experts say that even a medium sized army coming from the dwarves would be able to assist greatly in the war.  
  
Sauron expressed great displeasure at the failure of the negotiations, and blames Elendil for being unreasonable. To quote, "I gave extremely reasonable terms. It was simple, really. They agreed to submit to my military might, and dismantle their armies, and I would provide military protection of all their lands. Of course, such things are expensive, so all citizens would have to pay a 110% income tax. This is completely fair, and far less what I tax for my own citizens. I say again that they were bull-headed in refusing these simple requests."  
  
Sauron appears to be extremely confident of his victory, and was said to have agreed to the negotiations because he was in a good mood at the time. As such, he has made few, if any military preparations. General Urlak of the Army of Mordor states that Sauron places great confidence in his One Ring, and fully expects that if all else fails, he could defeat the allied forces himself.  
  
More on page 4... 


End file.
